We’re Back | LAH Reboot

Dee Greene HillLeave a comment

IMG_4579 (2)Greetings Beloved!  It has been some time since my last blog post.  

The desire to post was there.

But the faith-filled action was not.  

It happens, right?  The time was well spent.  Believe me.

Thank God for for His grace and mercy.  These last 10 months have been a time of rest, restoration, discipleship, healing, revelation and extreme gratitude. God has revealed so much to me (even though I know it’s only a glimpse of what He truly has in store).  The following scripture divinely encapsulates this time period for me:

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit.” I Thessalonians 5: 16-19 (NIV)

God has been doing a mighty work in me – preparing me for the next level of Love Abides Here.  Believing that He is going to use LAH to bring support, healing, faith and love to so many individuals – including YOU.❤️  

This is just the beginning.  More to come. But I’ll be honest.  I don’t really know what all of this looks like in the earthly realm.  My prayer is to NOT quench the Spirit and rely on God’s supernatural grace to have its way.

In the meantime, I wanted to share with you a pivotal moment in my healing journey from last year.  It’s another excerpt from my journal.

Sending prayers of strength, comfort, peace and love to YOU who has chosen to read this. ❤️

(DGH Journal Excerpt)

September 13, 2018 – This is my 2nd journal entry of the night.  Already “wrote” in my handwritten journal which I haven’t done in over a year!  Felt it was fitting today.  The day Hope was supposed to make her entrance.  These 9 months have shown me sooo much!  Even though I didn’t physically give birth to my child. 

I now feel like I’m giving birth to my calling. 

My purpose. 

What God created me to do.

It wasn’t an easy journey to get to this point. But now I know without a shadow of a doubt what I’m here for. To help and minister to women during pregnancy loss and prematurity. I have a heart for women in grief as well as the babies (as I sit here wearing my March of Dimes T-shirt).

It’s been a tear-filled evening. I wasn’t sure how this day was going to play out. I knew there would be a significant moment. But as the day went on, I ended up staying at home really doing nothing, I thought it was going to be a normal day. I had grand plans of taking this day for me – for reflection. Put together a blog post. Pamper myself. Instead, I was half working, half wasting time on social media. I did make a nice pot roast dinner. And then evening came. God told me what to do.

He wanted me to write in my journal and get on the Girlfriends Pray call. I haven’t done either of those activities in a year. But between the two, God had a theme. “He makes no mistakes. We are created for a reason. He has a plan”. The prayer leader read from Ephesians 2:8 along with a devotional about being God’s creation. It was meant for me.

On this day, 9/13/18. The day that I was supposed to meet Hope here on Earth. The living Hope gave me a new meaning sent from Heaven above.

This 9 months brought forth the clear and undeniable plan for my life. After being a bit out of sync this week leading up to today, I feel a sense of peace. There was a release of doubts, fears, emotions, disappointments, hurt, despair, loneliness, isolation (I’m balling right now 😭😭).

I can let it ALL go.

ALL of it.

Weeping has endured for a looong night. But joy has finally come. I feel it. Thank you Lord! 🙌🙌

Help me Lord to stay connected to you and your Word so I can walk in the plan you’ve laid out for me.

This day also reminded me of a song I hear on the radio titled “Living Hope” by Phil Wickham.  

No More Hope

Dee Greene HillLeave a comment

(DGH Journal Excerpt)

February 21, 2018 – I can’t believe this is really happening again. Another miscarriage. 10 weeks, 6 days. No heartbeat. Baby is only measuring 8 weeks, 6 days.

I feel so defeated. I feel stupid. I feel embarrassed. I have no more hope. I mean, this was it. We heard the heartbeat just a few weeks ago. Dr B. said everything looked great. But something must’ve happened a few short days after that ultrasound. Hope was lost.

So here we are again.

Miscarriage #5.

43 years old.

I don’t think I have it in me to try again. This hurts. It hurts real bad. Just because we’ve been down this road before, doesn’t mean it gets any easier. Dr B. thinks we have another shot. R wants to try again. I actually looked at that pregnancy test in the closet this morning and wondered if we would be using it again. I had a feeling something was wrong with the pregnancy but I wanted to stay positive. We’ll leave it in God’s hands. I’m mad right now. But I’m not mad at God. He is in control. He is sovereign.  He has a plan and a purpose for my life.

When the Dr revealed the news, the first thing that came to mind was “Love Abides Here”. God allowed this to happen in order to fuel the need for the ministry. So this is how it’s supposed to take shape??  Launching the blog AFTER experiencing yet another pregnancy loss?? Your will be done Lord. Your will be done.

Loves Abides Here just kept replaying in my head after the ultrasound. I got so upset that I broke out in tears on the way home. I know I certainly didn’t envision it happening this way. I wanted that baby. She was going to be our other miracle baby. I was going to tell the world how God made it all possible after multiple miscarriages and for being 43. I had a testimony to share.

But I’m reminded that this isn’t about me.

As I was looking at the Evernote entry about seeing Hope for the first time, the clock showed 3:33. More number sequences. Definitely a theme for this year. Haven’t seen that one yet though. But a quick internet search revealed that it has to do with the trinity. Father, Son and Holy Spirit. They are all with me. One true God. ❤

Acknowledge. Validate. LOVE!

Dee Greene HillLeave a comment

Have you ever had a conversation where you were given this extended response and the other person didn’t even acknowledge what you initially said?  They didn’t necessarily ignore you. But they certainly didn’t address what you said to them in their response. They just “glossed over” it. What’s up with that??  It certainly happens. I know that it may not be intentional. But if you’re in a place where your emotions are running high for whatever reason, this kind of response may feel like a punch to the gut.  Or, it may be what you expected. Either way, it may not feel good.

LAH image

When it comes to pregnancy loss, more than likely, there will be a conversation similar to this one.  If you’ve experienced a recent loss, you are certainly looking to your family and friends to support you during this difficult time.  You may be ready to express your feelings about what happened.

How much it hurts.  

How it isn’t fair.  

You don’t understand why it happened.  

But the person on the receiving end may not know how to respond to you.  So, they proceed to tell you things like . . . you will feel better soon . . . it happens to a lot of people . . . you can always try again.  Then, the subject is changed — you move on.  

Since you really don’t want to make a “big deal” out of it because maybe you really shouldn’t be feeling this way anyway, you just accept the response with a simple yet weary “Thank you” — you move on.  But deep down inside, you are probably asking the questions,

“Are my feelings ok?”  

“Am I just too emotional?”  

“Should I just sweep my feelings under the rug and get back to my ‘normal’?”

These are very real questions that many women struggle with in silence.  They are suffering alone because they feel as if no one truly understands. But it doesn’t even have to be about understanding.  Unless you have experienced a pregnancy loss as well, you truly won’t understand. However, if there was a simple acknowledgement and validation of those thoughts and feelings, many women would start to believe that what they’re experiencing really matters to others.

After my most recent loss, I took the time to closely examine how I was processing my thoughts and feelings as well as how others were responding to my need to express my hurt and despair.  I realized that even weeks after the loss and the fact that I was still in a very sad place, some of my conversations weren’t what I had hoped for. You ask me how I’m feeling. I tell you. But there was no acknowledgement of what I just said.  Can I get a little validation over here?  I don’t understand.  I want to understand.  I need to understand.  So, I turned to the internet, as usual, and did some research.  I learned that the whole concept of acknowledgment and validation of feelings is psychological in nature. I don’t mean to get text book here and break down the human psyche.  But I think it’s important to better appreciate these communication tools and how they can be very powerful in helping someone while they are experiencing a loss.

Acknowledge.

  1. To admit to be real or true; recognize the existence, truth, or fact of:
  2. To take notice of or reply to:
  3. To recognize the authority, validity, or claims of:

(Dictionary.com)

To acknowledge is basically stating that you are really listening to what the other person is saying and it shows that you care.  Some examples of acknowledgement are as follows:

  • I hear you . . .
  • You’re telling me that . . .
  • I believe I understand but let me make sure . . .

“While acknowledging is your way of indicating that you hear a person’s words, validating is getting in touch with their emotions.” (quoted from Learning How to Acknowledge and Validate is a Strong Communication Tool)

Validate.

Validation is the recognition and acceptance of another person’s thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviors as understandable.

When we validate, we help to elevate.  It changes the dynamics of the conversation.  You are simply showing your support. It is not counsel.  It is a door opener. They can now safely share their thoughts and feelings.  At the end of the day, as humans, we just want to know that our feelings are ok.

Karyn Hall, Ph.D. summarizes in her article Understanding Validation: A Way to Communicate Acceptance that “Validation is never about lying. Or agreeing.  It’s about accepting someone else’s internal experience as valid and understandable.  That’s very powerful.”

LOVE! ❤ 

I had to add this one into the mix.  To me, it completes the circle. Once you’ve acknowledged and validated, you have to show the other person some love.  Lots of love, if you’re capable of doing so. Expressing your deepest thoughts and emotions is not easy. It takes courage and strength to do so.  Loving on those who are suffering just helps to fill the void that they now have from the loss. At the end of the conversation, simply telling them that you love them or that you admire them for opening up to you will be extremely valuable. It will be a conversation that they will always remember when they look back on that time and reflect on the love that shown to them.  It made a difference.

I recognize that this approach may not work in every situation.  Especially if the one who is acknowledging, validating and loving is incapable of doing the same thing for themselves.  I hope that makes sense. But this is certainly applicable to communications that you may have related to different types of loss or relationships in general.  I strive to put this into practice in my own life. I hope you will as well.

Acknowledge. Validate. LOVE!

If you have suffered a loss, I would encourage you to share this post with your loved ones and friends.  Let them know what you need in order to freely share and heal. This process may be the stepping stone on the way to your healing. ❤

A Mother’s Day Request

Dee Greene HillLeave a comment

It was an emotional time for me leading up to Mother’s Day this year.  I would’ve been 22 weeks and well into my 2nd trimester. I would’ve gone into Mother’s Day with that pregnancy glow.  But that glow was replaced with sorrow. I am a Mother of a beautiful 4 year old son as well as 6 angel babies. Mother’s Day means something totally different for me and other Mothers who carry their children in their hearts.  And, I’m sure that I speak for all of those Mothers when I make this request.

Please acknowledge us on Mother’s Day.  We are Mothers too.  Even though our children are not here, a Mother’s love never dies.  We still think about what could’ve been if they were here. We still shed tears for them.  We are many. We will always love them. Although we may remember our babies in silence, we long for the rest of the world to recognize our place in society.  We are Mothers too.  Just to hear someone offer an expression of love by saying “I’m thinking about you today. Happy Mother’s Day” would mean the world to us.  It will not conjure up bad feelings or awful memories. Acknowledging us will just reaffirm the fact that we will always be Mothers. It’s just a simple request.  A thought, an expression of love or a card will do.

This was the 1st Mother’s Day “card” I received in 2012 from my dear friend. It was after my first miscarriage.  I lost twins in November 2011 and she knew that Mother’s Day would be difficult for me. It truly touched my heart.  The thought and the message that this poem conveys was so impactful because of the love and truth that are found in these words. This year and every year, I celebrate Mothers who have children here on earth as well as in heaven. I honor you for the beautiful women you are – inside and out. I admire your strength, courage and faith. Know that you are loved and appreciated. You are a Mother too. ❤

A very sweet poem on this Mother’s Day weekend ❤ Jodes

I am writing to you from heaven,

and though it must appear

… A rather strange idea,

I see everything from up here.

I just popped in to visit,

your stores to find a card

A card of love for my mother,

as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought,

I saw every card you could imagine

Except I could not find a card,

from a child who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too,

no matter where I reside

I had to leave, she understands,

but oh the tears she’s cried.

I thought that if I wrote you,

that you would come to know

That though I live in heaven now,

I still love my mother so.

She talks with me, and dreams with me;

we still share laughter too,

Memories are our way of speaking now,

would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart,

her tears she hides from sight.

She writes poems to honor me,

sometimes far into the night

She plants flowers in my garden,

there my living memory dwells

She writes to other grieving parents,

trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark,

though I no longer live on earth

I must find a way to remind her

of her wondrous worth.

She needs to be honored,

and remembered too

Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark,

I know you’ll do your best

I have done all I can do;

to you I’ll leave the rest.

Find a way to tell her,

how much she means to me

Until I can do it for myself,

when she joins me in eternity

Source: Miscarriage & Pregnancy Loss facebook group

The Struggle to get back to “Normal”

Dee Greene HillLeave a comment

(DGH Journal Excerpt)

May 8, 2018 – I’m the type of person who appreciates routine and discipline. I understand the powerful effects it can have on your life if used in the right way. After my son’s birth, finding my new rhythm was a serious challenge. Especially when you factor in the miscarriages and the short-lived grief recovery period that came afterwards. But after my miscarriage in July 2016, I received some much needed inspiration from the Tom Ferry Success Summit in August and I found the strength to overcome.  (Tom Ferry is a leading real estate coach and I have been a part of his coaching system since April 2016.) More than a year later, I found my groove. I developed a solid morning routine. I had an Accountability partner. I was rocking and rolling. There were still some adjustments to be made. But I had my foundation. I found my new “Normal”.

Then, when I found out I was pregnant in January 2018, I gladly put that routine on the back burner in order to have a safe and healthy pregnancy. Due to my previous miscarriages and the fact that I was already high risk, it was of great importance that I make those adjustments.  The baby was my focus. Now that the baby is no longer with us, I am really struggling to get my routine back. I understand that I’ve suffered another traumatic loss so I shouldn’t beat myself up.  But, it’s been almost 11 weeks since the D&E procedure. I just thought I would’ve had more of a desire to get back to life “pre Baby Hope”. But that’s not the case. Still no period so I guess my body is still healing.  Meaning I should still be resting? I can’t get out of bed before 6 even though I’m in bed by 10. I would love to get back to my 4:30 wake up time.  I think.  lol.  I haven’t watched a single Tom Ferry episode since the miscarriage – not totally intentional. What once was my source of inspiration is now something I haven’t given much thought to . Shoot, I was supposed to be in DC this week for the Tom Ferry Marketing Edge event. They were talking about me being on a success panel at the event. And now I have no desire to even be a part of it.

There is this struggle within me to get back to my old way of doing things – my “Normal”.  Part of me knows that I have it within me to turn things around because I’ve done it before – within a month’s time. But the other part of me is saying that this time is different. “You’re not ready. You can’t go back to THAT routine. You need to make some serious life changes. You have to do something different. But don’t rush. Take your time. Use this time to stay in God’s Word. Strengthen and deepen your relationship with Him. He is your main source of power and inspiration. This is what you need right now.”

God knows what is best for me. He knows what I need. I guess I need to stop focusing on what I’m not doing. And that is part of the reason why I’ve temporarily stepped away from the TF ecosystem. It will just be a constant reminder that I’m not doing the things in my business that I need to be doing.  As some may say, I’m “off of my game”. Not saying that I won’t be back.  But I can’t afford to have that anxiety right now. I was getting to a point where I was comparing myself to others. Wanting the success they had which is all normal for ambitious people. But not if you’re in a space where other areas of your life are suffering. With this loss, I realized that I have been masking and covering up feelings and emotions that need to be addressed so I can really live the life I was meant to live. I haven’t released my grief which has been bubbling up inside of me for many years.  5 miscarriages later – it’s time to let it all go and finally heal. Now the real work begins. I don’t know what it really looks like yet. But I know that I can’t go back to what was on a deeper level. I’m not ready to look ahead to what is to come. I just need to stay in the NOW and focus on healing from the inside out one day at a time.  

After getting my thoughts out in writing, I have started to tame the struggle within. I’m accepting of my current state of being and knowing that I can’t go back to that “Normal”. Grief changes you in many different ways. I know that God is working everything together for my good. My new “Normal” is trusting Him and resting in Him. Building a more secure foundation in Him and His truths. Creating disciplines and habits around scripture. My daily routine will focus on the actions I need to take to Love and Serve others – fulfilling my calling and living life on purpose. Amen.  ❤

(The Hurt and The Healer by Mercy Me has been in my head all morning)

The Hurt & The Healer

MercyMe

Why?

The question that is never far away

The healing doesn’t come from the explained

Jesus please don’t let this go in vain

You’re all I have

All that remains

So here I am

What’s left of me

Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive

Even though a part of me has died

You take my heart and breathe it back to life

I’ll fall into Your arms open wide

When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe

Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do

Pain so deep that I can hardly move

Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You

Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am

What’s left of me

Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive

Even though a part of me has died

You take my heart and breathe it back to life

I’ll fall into Your arms open wide

When the hurt and the healer collide

It’s the moment when humanity

Is overcome by majesty

When grace is ushered in for good

And all our scars are understood

When mercy takes its rightful place

And all these questions fade away

When out of the weakness we must bow

And hear You say it’s over now

I’m alive

Even though a part of me has died

You take my heart and breathe it back to life

I’ll fall into Your arms open wide

When the hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear

Awake my heart and take my tears

Find Your glory even here

When the hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear

Awake my heart and take my tears

Find Your glory even here

When the hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear

Awake my heart and take my tears

Find Your glory even here

Songwriters: Barry Graul / Bart Marshall Millard / Jim Bryson / Michael Scheuchzer / Nathan Cochran / Robin Shaffer

The Hurt & The Healer lyrics © Music Services, Inc